Anyone who has read the content of this site before knows that I have a big problem with certain game magazines and their bullshit reviews. The latest to fire me up is GMR (which hopefully wasn't supposed to mean "gamer," since most of its staff seems to consist of non-gamers), the sister magazine of EGM (before the plug was finally pulled). Both are Ziff-Davis publications, and you can tell; both feature the same "popular games in, unpopular games out" bullshit reviews, over and over again. It's always the same. You can bet your ass that no matter what, they'll talk-up the newest Grand Theft Auto or Halo while they shit on games that took true talent to make. So with this in mind, it doesn't take much to imagine what they said about Capcom Fighting Evolution when it came out...

In the January 2005 issue of GMR magazine, CFE was given a "3/10" rating, and was criticized accordingly. Making sure not to miss the EGM bandwagon, GMR designed the review to break CFE down but failed miserably. The review first calls the game "an unbalanced mess," which is bullshit. When compared to other Capcom fighters like Super Street Fighter II Turbo, Marvel VS Capcom 2 and/or Capcom VS SNK 2, CFE is a balanced game. He tries to prove that CFE is "an unbalanced mess" by saying that that Hauzer gets destroyed by Yun, and that "While Hauzer's big-time attacks may be fun to watch, in actual play, they're useless." No. While Hauzer does have problems fighting Ryu and Shin Akuma (because he gets caught in a Hadoken/RK air block trap) , fast-characters like Yun aren't really a threat to him, and good players can use his seemingly "useless" moves to win battles. Hauzer's Tempest Fall is a great anti-air with good priority (that can even be used twice to juggle), his Deluge Crisis Super Move can be used as a powerful counter for ground attacks, and his Ultimate Guard counter attack is quick and powerful. Not only that, but his jumping MK is a good cross-up (that can lead into some of his best combos), and many of his normal moves can be used as long-distance surprise pokes.

With a smaller character roster, Capcom was able to balance the game to a significant degree; that is, CFE contains the balance that many of Capcom's most recent 2-D fighters have lacked. Sure, the DarkStalkers characters are good, but they have weaknesses and their Super Moves aren't easy to land in the heat of battle. And while the review says that Anakaris and Pyron are "insanely cheap to play against," there is no mention of Shin Akuma (who is ten times cheaper and harder to fight); did the reviewer even know that Shin Akuma was in the game? Probably not, since the review sounds like it was written after only ten minutes of actual gameplay. The reviewer also claims that CFE's tag system "only works when you know who you're playing against, which isn't normally the case." That's the fucking point, asshole! The object of the tag-team system isn't to pair both players' fighters up nicely so that matches are predictable and smooth; tag-team battles are all about anticipation and surprise. In past Capcom and SNK fighters, the player can switch fighters at the "VS" screen before the match starts; what makes CFE different? Nothing. Tag-team fighters have always been about anticipation.

After complaining about CFE's gameplay, the review continued to repeat what one could have easily predicted: "Dear Capcom, it's time to redraw those old-ass sprites you've been using since 1995." Fuck you, assholes. You don't appreciate good 2-D animation. You don't even know what it means. As I have said many times before, CFE was meant to be a dream match. A dream match between characters from past Capcom titles; redrawn characters wouldn't have complimented the game's theme. Sure, it would be great to see a completely new 2-D Capcom fighter with a new graphics engine, but it wouldn't have worked with CFE. But wait! It gets better; the review then goes on to say, "Evolution doesn't have the beautifully animated characters of Street Fighter III, or the sharp 3D backgrounds of Marvel vs. Street Fighter 2, or the high-res character art of Arc's Guilty Gear Isuka." First of all, CFE does have some of the "beautifully animated characters of Street Fighter III," and even though they have been altered slightly to fit the game (Capcom's design staff has talked about this) they still animate smoothly. Second, what the fuck is "Marvel vs. Street Fighter 2?" If you're going to try to break the game down, you have to do a lot better than that. "Marvel vs. Street Fighter 2" isn't even a game; there's Marvel VS Capcom 2 and Marvel Super Heroes VS Street Fighter, but by the way the title was butchered nobody even knows what the fuck CFE is being compared to. Sure, those who have played both MVSC2 and MSHVSSF can guess that he's comparing CFE to MVSC2 because he mentions "3D backgrounds," but those who have played neither wouldn't be able to guess which one he's talking about (even if they've played other Capcom games before). How can anyone take the review seriously when the reviewer can't even get his shit straight? How can anyone believe what the review says when the reviewer doesn't even know what the fuck he's talking about?

Then, the review is concluded with the line, "Evolution adds up to a whole lot of nothing for anyone but the most devoted Capcom fan." Well, he's right about one thing; CFE is for the fans, and that's how it was meant to be. It was never meant for stupid assholes who don't understand or appreciate great games. It wasn't designed to please the Grand Theft Auto, Final Fantasy, Halo 2, or EA Sports drones. CFE was meant for those who like to play games that take more skill than time. The game wasn't designed to win the hearts of popular magazine reviewers (it was designed to break them). With CFE, what you see is what you get; a simplistic, yet deep fighting game with great animation, tight control, and classic gameplay. Like the original Capcom VS SNK, CFE's theme is simplicity; and that is exactly what's so great about it. Sure, recently developers have made some really good fighting games with complicated systems, and while those games are also good, CFE deserves respect for its simplicity. A fighting game doesn't have to necessarily "innovate" to be great, and with CVSS and CFE, Capcom has proven this. Surprisingly though, the saddest thing about this review isn't that it's riddled with inaccuracies; it's that people actually read this shit and believe it. Even though the review sucks balls, you can bet your ass that there are people out there who like fighting games but didn't get CFE because of the shit they read. GMR wasn't right because they were affiliated with EGM, and their reviews don't mean shit, either. No wonder why GMR went under; their reviews fucking sucked.